The World's finest Holiday Rum Cake

My Favorite Christmas Cake

2 cups flour
1 stick butter
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown  sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
 1 cup toasted and chopped nuts of your choice
1 bottle rum
2 cups of dried  fruit



Sample  the rum to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the rum again.

To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure

the rum is still OK. Try another cup... Just in case. Turn off the mixerer

thingy.  Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.



Pick the frigging fruit up off floor. Mix on the turner… If the fried druit

gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample

the rum to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something.

Check the rum. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one

table. Add a spoon of sugar, or some fink. Whatever you can find. Greash the

oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to

beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the

rum and wipe counter with the cat. Bingle Jells!